An alternative to self injury



Sometimes when I feel the urge to self-injure, I make a collage with a photo editor instead. I don't expect anybody to understand the significance of any of these images, but basically, I guess it represents how trapped I felt in my abusive marriage . . . that and other things . . . but that's the gist of it . . .

More Bandages, More Burns, More Pills

Went to the burn specialist on Friday & got fresh new bandages for the 3rd degree burns on my thighs.  Did I learn my lesson? Time will tell. 

I was badly triggered over the week-end and did a few more minor burns to complete the circle around my navel.  I called the supposed "crisis line,"  but it didn't do me any good.  The lady fed me a bunch of bullshit about "letting go of the pain."  Yeah, well, that's easier said than done and when body memories hit .... this is what happens . . .

So, tonight (12-4) I'm adding some Vicodin (5) to my usual night-time cocktail of pills and I'm escaping reality.  Does this fix anything? No.  Will it make it harder for me to wake up for work in the morning? Yes.  But for the time being, at least it will keep me from burning myself any more tonight (I'll be in La La land instead).  So here's to LA LA LAND!  Cheers!

Beginning to Heal

November 27 Right thigh

November 27 Left thigh

December 1 Right Thigh

December 1 Left Thigh

As you can see, the burns are beginning to heal, but they hurt LIKE HELL constantly and there's nothing I can do about it.  I go back to the burn center tomorrow to have them rechecked and I'm going to ask them if they can give me something for the pain.   I've tried Advil by the handfull and that doesn't do a bit of good.  As for emotional healing?  That will take longer, I suspect.  I'm still trying to understand why it is that I would inflict such horrible pain on myself purposely.