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| Sometimes when I feel the urge to self-injure, I make a collage with a photo editor instead. I don't expect anybody to understand the significance of any of these images, but basically, I guess it represents how trapped I felt in my abusive marriage . . . that and other things . . . but that's the gist of it . . . |
Sunday, December 11, 2011
An alternative to self injury
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Hey, my name is Kayla. I just thought I would let you know that your blog actually helped me out. i was going through a shitty time in my life, and I was burning myself pretty badly with cigarettes. I have a few that are healing up right now, but I just got one on my leg from last night; seeing this helped me to understand what I was going through, and what I needed to do to take care of the injuries that I have...
ReplyDeleteThank you for helping me. Keep fighting the good fight, man. I know I'm trying to.
I haven't self injured now since I last posted on this blog. I found a few people that understand what I went through in childhood, in my marriage, and in various hospitals. I can't even remember the login information for this blog, or I would post a more "hopeful" update. I've been very sick lately and may be dying. There's nothing the doctors can do. There's nothing I can do but wait and pray and try to enjoy each and every day for what it is. I've forgiven my ex for what he did to me, not because he deserves my forgiveness but because *I* needed to let the bitterness go. My faith in the LORD has helped tremendously. And I've discovered that there are still a few good people left in this world that won't hurt you. Sometimes you find them in the most unlikely places. I'm glad that this blog was somehow helpful to you. I mostly wanted people to know that they're not alone -- that there are other human beings out there that are fighting with incredible emotional pain that they simply don't know what to do with. Sometimes I can't even put a "name" on what I feel. But I'm learning that that's okay too. I don't always have to know what to call what I'm feeling. The biggest hurdle, sometimes, is simply learning to LET MYSELF FEEL THINGS and not be afraid of what might happen if I do. Please know that hurting yourself doesn't make you a "bad person" or a "crazy person." It means that you're a HURTING person that has such incredible pain inside that you don't know how else to make it go away. Sometimes you just have to learn to trust ONE PERSON enough to tell them bits and pieces until you can find out if they will keep your secrets. From there, you learn to trust other people and you learn what you can and cannot tell to people without freaking them out. Above all, don't ever lose track of WHO YOU ARE. that is very easy to do sometimes. I['m not talking about remembereing your name -- we all go by different names and different nicknames (depending on who we're with and how well they know us). I'm talking about remembering YOUR SOUL . . . that innocent, good part of you that never asked for any of the bad "stuff" to happen. Don't EVER lose that innocence. Don't ever give up HOPE. There is always another day, and perhaps that day will be better than today. I'm sorry that it took me so long to reply . . . I try not to revisit this pain very often. Keep on fighting, and, if you can, find one person to trust. Even if it's a stranger. sometimes they're the "safest" . . . after all, who are they going to tell?
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, I just discovered this blog and I'm glad to know that you are happier now ^^
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